My son is usually off in a world of his own. Autism keeps him pretty busy. He’s easily distracted, over-whelmed, and processing more sensory information than you and I could ever imagine.
Eye contact is difficult and with that I feel like I am missing a sense of connection with my son. I don’t force eye contact because if you talk to autistic adults about this they will tell you that making eye contact: can be physically painful for them, will cause them to focus on all your facial features instead of hearing your words, and makes them more distracted in the conversation.
So we don’t force eye contact. I know that Jackson can hear me. I know that he understands me when I speak. I know that he is present in our conversations.
I’d be lying to you if I didn’t long for it. I miss not having it. I miss not being able to look into those beautiful glassy-blue eyes and feel that connection with my son.
Every once and a while he will look me in his eyes, all on his own, and it is the most euphoric feeling. This poem represents to me what that feeling is like… it’s like A Little Window In.
Little Window In
I breathe it in,
this window in.
your eyes lock mine.
and speaking clear.
to see it again.
that window in.